Akatsuki Apprentices 1
by Akatsuki-Elric-Bros1
Summary: Kabutomushi,Ophiomachus and Cat are just normal kids living in the shire. Well, not normal- Kabutomushi is half-elf half-dwarf,Cat is Gandalf's niece,and Ophiomachus-well,no one seems to know what his deal is, but when the Akatsuki take them through a portal to their world, they go even farther from normal then the ant crossover of a lot of things.(Portal, Naruto, and more.)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one**

**Kabutomushi**

1:07 am.

"Wh- wha?" I muttered groggily, staring at the clock with wide, disbelieving yellow eyes. In all of Middle Earth, I was probably the only one awake- except maybe the Nazgûl, but obviously I was not one of them. I live in the Shire- I'm half elf, half dwarf- You can check! Though, if you ask Sam, he'll say I'm too mean to be a person, and if you ask Merry and Pippin then they'll say I'm not a person just to get me in trouble and laugh at the look on my face. Some friends I have here.

Breaking out of my thoughts, I slipped out of bed to check out what had woken me up, and then froze when I heard eight or nine mumbling voices downstairs. I grabbed a small carved knife that had a wooden handle, gripping it like a terrified almost 15-year old girl. Well, which I was. (And yes, I was immature enough that I would say 'almost fifteen.' How else would one of the only non-hobbits in the Shire react- every hobbit around me that was physically 'my age' was the mental equivalent of a three year old, and so anyone who was the same mentality as me was like physically fifty years old. Obviously I would want to seem older- they hear '14' and think I'm a baby.)

I almost tripped over my own small but still somehow clumsy feet as I crossed the dark room to pull my chin-length orange hair back and randomly stuck a hairpin in to keep the crazy strands out of my eyes. Then I switched on the lights, slowly opened the door, and crept downstairs with the knife, keeping one hand on the oak wall as I descended the dark staircase.

On the third to last stair, I paused.

"I just want whoever is there to know that I have a knife," I called, using the deepest voice I could. I can pick up and copy any personality and voice, so I do try to use it in situations, just to rub it in the faces of people who say that it isn't a skill. Anyway, in this case, if they think I'm a grown man with a knife, they might be more terrified than if they knew I was a 14 year old with a knife. "And I'll use it, ya know, without any hesitation." There was a slight pause as I added, "And if you're Cat, Merry, and Pippin pranking me then I'll use it anyway, too." Cat was one of the other non-hobbits in the Shire. Gandalf's niece or something like that. She didn't have the knack for magic so she left to here.

"Who's there?" a woman's voice asked. Oohh, she had an interesting voice. I bet you she's seen a lot of stuff.

"I could-" my deep imitation voice snapped back to my normal voice for a second. Coughing, I corrected myself. "I could ask the same of you."

"Hah," a man's voice scoffed. He had an interesting voice, too- but unlike the woman, he sounded sorta bloodthirsty. "Whoever it is probably is just putting up a show. Their voice caught on the first two words of that last sentence." I sucked in my breath. Well, then...now what?

Suddenly, a hand snaked out of the darkness and grabbed my arm. I looked down and nearly screamed as I saw the hand was connected to an arm by hundreds of thousands of pieces of wire. And the arm was attached to a tall man with a face mask wearing a black and red robe. (The man was wearing the robe, the face mask was not.)

"She looks kinda dead," a large scorpion-like creature commented lazily. "You might've killed her, Kakuzu." I glared indignantly, annoyed that they assumed that I would be taken down so easily without even knowing me. C'mon, guys.

"Who are you?" I shouted, randomly kicking into the darkness. "Are you here from Sauron? You know, I know elves and dwarves who'll rip out your eyes and play jump rope with your spine for this…or not…" I muttered the last part quietly to myself. Um, well…I really don't get along with elves _or _dwarves, ya know? Anyway, when no answer came, I quickly dug my chin into the 'Kakuzu' guy's hand, then slipped to the floor, grabbed the knife, and scampered up the stairs to my room, locking the door. Panicking, I grabbed the sheets and tried to tie them into a rope like the stories of old heroes of Middle Earth. It didn't work and I ended up just jumping out the window. I landed on my feet in the yard- luckily it wasn't too far to fall because while the hobbits _had _made the ceiling high enough for me to stand comfortably, it was still lower than usual. I probably would outgrow it at some time. Shaking my head, I noticed the rain pouring down around me, drenching my hair as I stared up at the window I had jumped out of. I stood there a few minutes, staring at the dark window, but then there was the sound of my bedroom door crashing down and a light went on in the room, sending a square of light out of the window and onto the dark grass where I was standing.

Squinting up through the rain, I saw a grayish blue face with shark-like eyes and some sort of weird headband that had five scratches cut into it. I stood there for half a second then turned and ran (being the brave hero I was.) Once I was a little way away, I dared to turn around and see if they had followed me. Oh look. They did. A young silver haired man and the Kakuzu guy were running out of the darkness, followed by a young woman with dark blue hair that seemed to be flying.

"Good luck finding me now!" I shouted, dodging right on light feet and ducking into a conveniently placed corn field. I heard one of them spouting curses and something about some 'jashin' thing and the woman sighing in frustration, I ducked through the corn field, trying not to slip on the mud puddles that dotted the tall crops. I kept running. Hopefully I could make it to my friend Cat's house and get help there- I knew that if I went to the nearest hobbits they would turn me away.

Trudging out of the corn field, I saw the glinting lights of Cat's house and stumbled toward them, knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" Cat opened the door, dressed in some sort of cosplaying wizard murderer outfit. She blinked her big brown eyes and shook out her dark brown hair.

"It is Sauron, come for your brain_," _I rolled my eyes.

"Sauron!" she shrieked, pulling out a thin sword. "You shall fall for your evil crimes! You will die a terrible bloody death!"

"Kabutomushi! It's Kabutomushi!" I shouted, dodging the silver blade that came a little too close to my eyes. Cat blinked and pulled on a pair of large black glasses. (I tried them on once- they only messed up my eyes.)

"Oh," she smiled. "Hi, Kabuto!"

"Hi," I said. "Don't call me Kabuto."

"Um...No offense, but why are you here?" she asked, dropping her cheeriness. "It's kind of 1 in the morning." I checked my watch.

"1:27," I corrected. Cat looked at me and reached for the sword again. "Sorry, sorry!" I laughed nervously. "I'm here because a crazy fish with a sword covered in toilet paper, an old young guy, a sack of string, a cockroach, and a paper person are chasing me."

"What?" Cat looked at me and reached to close the door. "Look, I have to get up early tomorrow."

"Wait!" I begged and stuck my foot in the door.

"Unless you can prove-" Cat started to say as she opened the door, and then looked behind me in horror. "Oh geez- Kabutomushi..."

"What?" I asked, rubbing my sore foot.

"There's a crazy fish with a sword covered in toilet paper behind you."

I won't describe the next fifteen minutes in too much detail. Basically it involved screaming, more running through cornfields, trying to reach the house of the two brothers Cerulean and Ophiomachus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

**Ophiomachus**

I woke up to screaming. The first thing I thought was _oh my gosh, someone is being killed out there! _The second thing I thought was _how dare they interrupt my sleeping!_ So I got up and went downstairs. I usually would probably try to stop whoever was being murdered from being murdered, but I had just fallen asleep and had wanted to _stay _asleep. I had been at a birthday party for my little seven year old brother, Cerulean, and as you might know, hobbits go all out on birthday parties. Not that Cerulean and I are hobbits. There are only five non-hobbits in the Shire, we're the fourth and fifth (We were saved from a town Smaug destroyed a _really _long time ago. Yeah, we _are _still alive- I said that we _weren't_ Hobbits, not that we _were _human. Same with my sort of friend Kabutomushi. You humans assume all humanoids are one of you.) It was a costume party. Everyone had left a while ago, but there had been so much to clean up that I hadn't gotten to sleep until like an hour ago.

I pushed open the door, snarling "What do you want!?"

Standing there was a redheaded girl in a blue shirt costume and a brown haired girl in a red shirt.

"A crazy fish with a toilet paper sword!" Screamed Cat.

"And an old young guy and a sack of string!" Shouted Kabutomushi.

"What? How can you be old and young at the same time?" I asked, confusion obviously showing in my ice-blue eyes.

"He isn't an old man but he has silver hair," Kabutomushi explained, yellow eyes wide.

"_That's _the first question you ask?!" Cat rolled her eyes. "GIANT. FISH. WITH. A. SWORD. Does that mean anything to you?" I cocked my head at the figure behind the two girls.

"I don't think that's a fish. It looks more like a cockroach or something," I said. The two screamed and ducked to the ground. A scorpion-like tail shot out from the cockroach- which I guess was supposed to be a scorpion- and wrapped around my arm, yanking me through the air until I was in front of it. Then it wrapped around me like a rope, the pointed end against my throat. I tried to twist my head but couldn't move from fear. Funny, though, I didn't feel that scared.

"The blade at his throat is covered in poison," a voice said. "If I give him the tiniest scratch, he will die in three days. So…it only seems fair that you three should join the Akatsuki- one for each day."

"The Akatsuki?" Kabutomushi asked flatly. "What?"

"Just say yes!" Cat rolled her eyes.

"Oh- yeah sure," Kabutomushi said, nodding. "I'll join."

"Me too!" Cat said. "Me too!"

"I-I'll join if I get to live!" I gasped against the metal blade.

"Fine," the thing snorted. "And how do you not know who the Akatsuki are?"

"They probably work for Sauron!" Cat screamed. "Kill 'em!"

"Try to _think_!" Kabutomushi insisted. "They'll kill Ophiomachus!"

"Shut up!" the scorpion thing snapped. "We don't work for Sauron! We don't even know who he is!"

"How do you not know who Sauron is?!" Kabutomushi gave him a look.

"And can I have your name? I really need to stop mentally referring to you as Scorpion Thing," I added.

"Psht," Scorpion Thing said in an annoying way. "Sasori is my name. And we don't know who Sauron is because we are not from this universe."

Dead silence.

"Sorry?" Kabutomushi asked, raising one eyebrow.

"What? Nah," Cat's jaw dropped but then she shut it and twisted her face into a disbelieving smirk.

"Okay," I said. The other two looked at me in shock and Sasori sighed, apparently happy that _someone _believed him. Or maybe it was an exaggerated sigh at Kabutomushi and Cat.

"We were walking around in our world when suddenly we saw a shiny blue disk. The disk had the words _Lord of the Rings_ engraved on it, and so naturally we inspected it. We told Tobi not to touch it," Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes. "We really did. But the moron wouldn't listen, saying he wanted to 'make his senpais happy,' and he stuck his hand into it. Then he fell all the way through. You would've thought we'd see this as a warning, but no- Hidan insisted that it was 'so totally cool' and he jumped through. Pein-sama insisted that we couldn't afford to lose an important member who had immortality. So he went. So Konan went. So Zetsu went. So Kisame went. So Itachi went. So Deidara went, screaming 'I'll kill you, Itachi!' So I went. So Kakuzu went for some reason. So now we're here."

"…Who is Itachi? Zetsu? Deidara? What? And what's a senpai?" Kabutomushi looked at him.

"Itachi, Zetsu, and Deidara are Akatsuki members. Senpai means senior or someone of a higher rank than you," Sasori said.

"What," Cat asked. "What." It was more of a statement than a question.

"And now, I will take you to our leader," Sasori said. "He stayed at the sarcastic annoying kid's house while we found you guys. Then we will administer the tests you need to take to join. Or I could always kill you three on the spot."

"Wait," Kabutomushi said. From the tone of her voice, it was _not _a negotiable demand. "Why did you guys come to my house? And why am _I _the sarcastic annoying kid?" She muttered the last part.

"Oh," Sasori said. "We came through the portal about a week ago. Our main spy, Zetsu, had friends in high places in about 3 days. We have plenty of information on this universe- and the Elves and Dwarves have made no attempt to hide your existence- or your exceptional 'mockingbird' talent."

"Oh," Kabutomushi went slightly pale and fell silent.

"Are you gonna let me go?" I asked in slight exasperation. They ignored me and continued talking about some _stupid…irrelevant….IDIOTIC-_

Suddenly Sasori let go, and when I stumbled forward and turned the tail was partially melted and smoldering.

"What the-" Sasori snapped, taking a step back. "Nothing should be able to- wha-"

"I don't know what happened. Can we just get moving?" I muttered, my formerly polite voice turing ice-cold. Sasori gave me a strange look but nodded an okay.

"I didn't know you could do that," Cat said angrily once we started walking.

"I think there's more to you than you're letting on," Sasori said matter-of-factly. "Oh well. You seem like the early death type, so you probably won't last enough to be a serious threat."

I shrugged and gave him an annoyed look.

The four of us walked back with him, Cat screaming threats, Kabutomushi silently trying to figure out a way to escape without getting herself killed. I was silent. I felt like I should wonder if Cerulean will notice that I'm gone in the morning, but I was contemplating Sasori's comment about me being the 'early death type-' and even more than that, the fact that he thought that I could be a threat if I survived.


End file.
